It’s difficult to know the best way to bring up your children. Every parent will do what they think is best in certain situations. Problems that they haven’t dealt with in their own soul development before having children, could effect their child. But this subject can spiral into so many webs, with going into the reasons we have children ; out of want of love, a distraction, not planned. I want to go into how a lot of children are told to not express them selves freely, or that it’s ‘bad’ to cry,shout,speak loudly.
I was told by my mother, that I was a ‘good girl’, hardly having tantrums and crying (who knows if this is the truth lol). In my mind, this can be thought to be a negative and a positive depending on the way you look at it. Does it mean that I wasn’t maybe given the chance to be allowed to do those things, and I didn’t feel that it was okay. Or on the other hand, did I let out those feelings in other expressions.
Most of my childhood, I was always on the go, never stopping. Doing full time tennis, art, playing for the A team sports, and my academics. This was sort of a distraction but also a way for me to express myself in all sorts of ways. School’s not usually very encouraging of positive expression. They have other things they like to put their efforts into, even though the wellbeing and health of the child is the most important. If only they started to make that a priority… The difference it would make to a child’s life, if this was a main focus throughout nursery and school. I feel like things are moving in the right direction though, with more institutions changing their direction with the kids. Replacing detention with meditation classes and less work pressure.
Around the early years of teen hood, is one of the most stressful and strange periods in your life. There is so much you are dealing with at once, feeling like no one can understand you. Thirteen to sixteen was the most depressing time of my life so far. Now with the added bonus of social media, it’s gone to a whole new level of pressure. A book I’m reading at the moment explains the cognition process that happens in your teen years. ‘The Brain by David Eagleman’ – “The teen years are a period of such important neural reorganization and change that it dramatically affects who we seem to be. Hormones coursing around our bodies cause obvious physical changes as we take on the appearance of adults – but out of sight our brains are undergoing equally monumental changes. These changes profoundly colour how we behave and react to the world around us.”
As I’ve grown up, obviously I have started to become much more aware and conscious of myself and my surroundings, at a rapid rapid speed. Learning about my forms of expression and what helps me get out certain emotions. Realizing that I was actually suppressing emotions, that my subconscious was sort of hiding from my consciousness.
What people say it you is usually what they are trying to tell them selves, and their emotion is to-do with their issues. Not directed at you, they are just using you as a presence to say them to. And how you react to them is a reflection to your own feelings, your insecurities. Sometimes the best thing to do is not use someone else to take it out on. In alternative, you find another form of expression, which could be through many mediums. People can spend years and years or their whole life trying to find a ‘right’ expression for them selves. It’s about being willing to experiment and be open to trying new things. A lot of the time, it can end up being something you would of least expected, or by just slightly changing your perspective on something.
Because so many of us not expressing our selves properly, the mass rising in doing so, will change society up a lot! But in the long run will allow people to stop hiding from their true selves and better relationships will be formed.
Now going back to ways of ‘expressing not suppressing’. You could do, for example, next time someone says something to you and you take it personally. Causing you to maybe feel upset or angry. You could try to talk to that person in conversation about why it has made you feel this way. Or you could go deeper into that feeling yourself and explore the reasons for this emotion. Doing certain actions, thinking processes, activities. It might be something nothing to-do with the physical world, but it’s about sitting with the feeling. Being aware of it, is the first step. Remember though not to over think it, and drive yourself insane. It’s good to sometimes step back from the situation to have a different view of what might be going on. I realised that it was less about trying to find this answer I was seeking, and more about just being with the feeling. Not letting it dictate you’re present state too much.
A big thing that I haven’t mentioned yet is about how we don’t often say what we want to say, because we accommodate to the other persons feelings. Causing us to suppress these emotions, and telling ourselves that it’s not okay to have them. Feeling like you will be hurting or upsetting them.
Here is a good clip to watch about some of the things I have been trying to express (me, trying to go more into depth though) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwAfa0Ltreo&feature=youtu.be
Love and Light x